I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
