my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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