im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
