you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
