operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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