I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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