I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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