I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
