I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
