I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
