I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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