an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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