Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
