i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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