so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
