I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
