My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
