and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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