Betty ford says i'm here all night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
