i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
