Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they're like a gay fantastic four
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
