Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
