I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
