Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
