My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My ass is underappreciated
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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