there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
