I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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