she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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