Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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