I will die if light touches me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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