the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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