Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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