smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
