R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
