I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
