I am in a vortex of obligation.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
