i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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