Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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