Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
