Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
