thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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