I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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