Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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