You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
