my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I just put wine in my tea
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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