He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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