Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
