I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
