I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
