found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
