I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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