I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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