I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
