I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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