Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
