i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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