arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.