I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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