I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.