And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are