just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?