I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.