He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.