This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.