she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
