We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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