ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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