Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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