Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
