oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
