yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No stitches, just platelets and will power
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
