Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am available for nakedness
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
