we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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