Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
